"i gotta tell ya
the most fun
aside from having 'a problem'
is 'admitting you have a problem'
god i love that part"
-altakakaEveryone's Got a Story to Tell
Once, I was walking through the streets of my old hometown, a small, white, catholic town, dressed in my raver gear, when a pick-up truck pulled out and I heard it's occupant shout at me "Freak of nature!!".
As, now that I'm living in a big, diverse and highly accepting city, this hasn't happened to me since I moved away from said hometown, I was kind of taken aback. I mulled it over for a bit, and, acknowledging that this happened early in my walk and was likely to happen again, decided I should have a retort prepared for future harassment. The first thing that came to my mind was a phrase I employ to a repetitive degree; "No worries!" I would should back. That didn't quite strike me, though, and I pondered over it a bit longer. No sooner than I had decided on it, this big, ugly looking old van pulls out of a street and I hear "Freak!!"
To which I was authorized to let back a very loud "I forgive you!"
People often ask me how it is that I'm so easy to forgive.
Awhile ago, I discovered something big.Evil does not exist.
I used to think that some people were just good people, and some people were just evil people. It could be nurture that made them this way, it could be nature, it could be both. Through Taoism, however, and the nature of the great Yin-Yang, I discovered that the duality of good and evil does not exist outside of mankind. That is; it is Man's creation. No antelope is good. No tiger is evil. No summer breeze is happy; no storm is angry.
For me, it comes down to psychology. First of all, check out Benedict De Spinoza's Emotions
. It's a good primer on the nature of emotions.
Okay. So. (Here's de Earth.)
People require empathy. We as humans are not individuals; that's the illusion. We are all a part of the Collective Unconscious, there's a great grid that binds us. When we are starved from that grid, that's when we start experiencing some real discomfort. How many of you truly like being lonely? I mean alone alone, for a long period of time. Only the most scarred of us do.
To paraphrase Joe Rogan, if you want evidence of this, just look at the criminal justice system. In maximum security prisons, what's the highest form of punishment for misbehavior? Solitary Confinement. They take you away from other fuckin' murderers and assholes
, people you hate enough to have gotten into those spats in the first place! This is punishment? Doesn't that sound like a reprieve? But no, as anyone who's spent any time in solitary can tell you, after awhile you just start goin' fuckin' crazy.
to be connected.
I'm having trouble discerning where the most appropriate place to throw this in is, so I suppose here I'll make note here of one of the conditions of humanity. As a result of our connection with the Eternal Divine, we understand there is a concept of eternity. That somewhere in the vast omniverse, there is a place that transcends time itself. (Actually, there's a lot
of those places.) Granted that we equate eternity to the divine, and as a process of evolution naturally crave to be divine ourselves, fool ourselves into believing that we are capable of eternity.
How this manifests in context is that people are governed by a sort of emotional inertia. That is, they'll continue feeling whatever they're feeling until an outside thought our source alters their mood. This inertia picks up mass, though, much like a snowball running down a hill; the longer the person remains unabsolved (or focused), the stronger their Negativity (or Positivity) gets.
Awhile ago, actually right when I met him, my boyfriend and his roommate were in the middle of this huge debacle. They were trapped in this endless pattern of annoyance, constantly driving each other crazy. From the inside, from his perspective, it was so obvious; he shouldn't be nice to her, he shouldn't forgive her, she's causing him grief every goddamned day!
One day he was ranting about her, as had been the norm as of late, talking about how she was just pure evil, and it got me thinking. I remembered that evil does not exist; as such, if not evil, what force was driving her? I pondered it over intensely.
People hurt people because they're hurting; no one in this world acts out of maliciousness for maliciousness's sake. The vast majority of serial killers all had childhoods where they were beaten, abused, and unloved. Look at relationship drama; here we see an example of people who claim to love each other, yet hurt each other. Lovers, daughters, mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers, sons, what have you; they love each other and they hurt each other. "You always hurt the ones you love."
People in this world have an overwhelming need to be empathized with. We're at an age where, sadly, the supply of people excedes the demand for them, to the point where we as a society have created endless numbers of meaningless beurocratic jobs just so people can find meaning in a world where they really aren't needed. When people don't feel needed, they don't feel recognized, don't feel paid attention to, and if there's one thing people love and need, it's attention.
So, like a five year old whose mother is working, people lash out. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad- attention is attention. In today's society, meritous achievements are very seldom recognized, while sewing strife is. Only now, armed with increased cognitive and analytical capacity, they're no longer, say, pulling their sister's hair; they're picking apart their sister's less admirable qualities and rubbing it in her face.
This is to say nothing of snuffing out one person's candle in order to make theirs seem brighter by comparison. People have lots and lots of dysfunctions, and I don't have time to go into them all.
So how to stop this? Who do you hurt? Why? Dig deep. Because you're hurting. So how to stop this?
It has to stop with you.
If you want someone to stop hurting you, the easiest way to do this is to stop hurting them. If we hurt the ones who hurt us, and you don't hurt people, people won't hurt you.Once, a man approached the Buddha. He called him lazy, an oaf, an idiot shrouding himself in clever words. The man yelled and screamed until his throat was hoarse, while the Buddha listened intently. He came up with every name and term and insult he could think applicable, until he could scream no more. Finally, he stopped, and found the Buddha smiling. He said to him then, why are you smiling? Here I have insulted you and attacked your honor and screamed at you, how can you be so calm?
To which the Buddha replied, "If you refuse a gift, then to whom does it belong?"
There are some people in this world who are hurting so bad and are terrified to look at themselves, and so these people lash out at everyone and everything, trying to find something other than themself they can blame for their pain. These people are dangerous and to be avoided; a tumor to the body.
Perhaps the saddest part about these people is that they will not stop until they have dragged down everyone they can, until they finally force people to empathize with them by making them actually hurt as much as they do. As long as there are people in pain in this world, there will be healers. I know a great many healers, and so do you, probably... You might even be one. A startling continuity I've noticed is that many of these healers have mates who are bad for them, who hurt them, put them down, expect too much of them, depress them to no end, and it makes perfect sense; they have an abundance of positivity, and their mates have an abundance of negativity, and, as we know, opposites attract. However the energy transferrence is not without toll. The negative quickly establishes a position of power and dominance over the positive, thus securing their source of energy, while the positive suffers significant psychological damage from the constant drain. The negative will typically profess their love for the positive early on in the relationship, and the positive, afraid to hurt the negative more than they already are, will often force themself to love them back, generally lying to themself in order to maintain this image.
I don't have to tell you this can end in disaster.
Oftentimes, the positive will, conciously or subconciously, realize that if they were to leave the negative, this would only wound them futher, resulting in a more unstable person who would then go out and lash out even harder against others. Being the type to bear the weight of the world on their shoulders, they'll sacrifice their own happiness in an attempt to reform the negative, make him positive, but sadly, this seldom works. Eventually the positive starts running out of energy, and now that the negative isn't getting the same flow they were before, they take this as a sign that the positive is losing interest, and in such, starts creating their own negativity all over again. And the cycle repeats and repeats, each time the negative having the same amount of energy while the positive loses a little bit more each time.
Now, this is the instance of a purely archetypical positive/negative relationship, and so it doesn't apply to most people... But there's a little but of each in all of us, and we all play both the positive and the negative at some point. (Sometimes simultaneously.)
And so the Koan comes into play; what's the most responsible thing you can do when encountering a Black Hole? It's not to treat them, unfortunately... At least, don't take on that daunting task alone. Some cancer patients are beyond the reach of chemotherapy, and some people are beyond the help of gentle nurturing. The responsible thing here is to show them tough love, and when they throw a tantrum, leave them be, refuse their gift, let them keep it, and to warn others about interactions with this person. If your social network is large enough, maybe find someone who is more suited to the task than you; for instance, if the poisoned person is heterosexual, someone of the same sex who is more authorized to take a step back and tell the person they're being an idiot without all sorts of emotions bubbling to the surface. If you don't, though, and you are stuck to warning people, be wary; the negative will accuse you of "slinging shit" at them, and, just like the man accusing the Buddha, will shout every name and insult and dirty trick in the book at you in an attempt to bring you down to their level.
And, just like the Buddha, you will need to smile, have love for them despite their faults, and forgive them.